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Back in the war days – nah, not mine, some ol’ tale I heard – blokes’d stumble into Soho, chuck a few quid, and Bob’s yer uncle, job done. Now? It’s all apps, shady ads, and dodgy X posts. We shall never surrender to this nonsense! I got mad as hell last week – scrolled for ages, found a link, clicked it – virus! Nearly chucked me phone out the window. Swear, it’s a battlefield out there, mate.

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So, I’m munchin’ on this pastry, right? And it’s heavenly. But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by, knocks into me, and my pastry goes flying! I’m standin’ there, mouth agape, like, “Nooooo!” It was like slow-mo. I was ready to throw down. But then I see the kid’s face—he’s all wide-eyed and sorry. I couldn’t stay mad. Kids, man.

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