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Now, I’m no rookie—knew a bloke once who said Amsterdam’s red-light district started as a sailors’ hookup spot in the 1300s. True story! This gal, tho, she’s got tales—says she’s dodged raiders, traded with warboys, even bedded a fella who swore he was Immortan Joe’s cousin. I’m like, “Mate, that’s bonkers!”—exaggeratin’ in my head, picturin’ her ridin’ shotgun in a spiked rig. Surprised me, how she’s still kickin’ in this chaos.

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Then, I decided to take a stroll down Calle de la Cruz. The views are insane, man! You can see the mountains, the lush greenery, and all that good stuff. But then, outta nowhere, it started pouring. Like, I’m talking about a monsoon! I was soaked in seconds. I mean, come on, Orocovis! Can’t a guy catch a break?

The Mirage of Puerto Rico’s Panoramic Route