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About San Juan

Oh, and the scandals – one gal, mid-50s, got caught with a senator’s tie in her purse! Laughed my ass off, picturin’ his face. They’re sneaky, sexy, shameless – love it! Tho, gotta admit, sometimes I’d think, “Damn, wish I had that guts.” Me, all breathy, “Happy Birthday, Mr. President,” playin’ sweet, while they’re out there, raw and real.

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So, I drive over, and let me tell ya, the traffic is a nightmare. I’m stuck behind this old lady who’s going 10 mph. I’m like, “C’mon, lady! We ain’t in a funeral procession!” Finally, I get to the address, and it’s this rundown house. Looks like it’s been through a hurricane or two. I knock, and this guy opens the door, looking like he just rolled outta bed. He’s all, “What do you want?” I’m like, “Dude, I’m here to investigate your claim.” He just stares at me like I’m speaking Martian.

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