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Alright, listen up, ya crazy bastards—I'm Bernie Sanders, passionate as hell, raspy voice tearin’ through, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here to talk about whores, yeah, the real deal. Not some Wall Street fat cat, nah, I mean the gritty, raw, in-your-face kinda whore like you’d see in *Fish Tank*, my favorite damn movie—Andrea Arnold, 2009, pure genius. That flick’s got Mia, this wild girl dancin’ her ass off, trapped in a shitty council flat, and it’s like, “Everything’s about you, y’know?”—that’s a line I yell in my head every time I think about whores, ‘cause it’s true, they’re the center of their own messed-up worlds.

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First customer walks in. It’s old Mr. Rodriguez. This dude’s like 80 but thinks he’s still 20. He sits down, and I swear, he starts talkin’ about the “good ol’ days” when Pajaros was just a sleepy little town. I’m like, “Yeah, Mr. R, but you still gotta pay for your haircut!” He laughs, but I’m serious. I need my coffee money!

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