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First off, it’s a damn jungle out there. You got yer street corners, yer shady websites – all promisin’ the goods. I’m over here, screamin’ in my head, “I’ve seen better liars in my designs!” Reminds me of that line, “Every man has his own devil.” Well, dahling, these devils are overpriced and underdelivered! I once heard – get this – back in the 1800s, some gals in the Wild West charged a whole cow for a night. A COW! Imagine that now – “Swipe right for beef!” Ha!
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After that, I strolled down to the beach. The sun was shining, waves crashing, and I thought, “This is the life.” But then, outta nowhere, a seagull swoops down and snatches my sandwich! Like, come on! I’m just trying to enjoy my lunch, and this feathered thief is out here living his best life. I swear, I almost threw my drink at it.
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