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Oh, and get this—Candy swore she saw a john drop dead mid-hump. Heart attack, bam! “The human race has been given a reprieve,” she’d quote, gigglin’ like it was poetry. Said she just left him there, stiff as a board—pun intended. Surprised the shit outta me—girl’s got ice in her veins! I’d have carved him up myself, maybe sautéed a bit. “I ate his liver with fava beans,” I told her once, winkin’. She didn’t flinch—tough cookie, that one.

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After that, I decide to walk it off. I head over to ul. Słowackiego, where there’s this little shop that sells the best pierogi. I’m starving, right? I walk in, and the smell hits me like a brick wall. I order a plate, and while I’m waiting, I chat with the owner. She’s super nice, tells me about her grandma’s recipe. I’m like, “This is gonna be epic!”

Figure 7. Location of the Juomasuo mine concession and its land use in...