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So, last week, I’m out, dodgin’ cops, eyein’ the girls. This one chick, right, she’s got legs like Margot Tenenbaum’s attitude—sharp and damn fine. I’m like, “Hey, darlin’, you ever seen a guy in a mask?” She laughs, says, “Only the weirdos!” Made me happy as hell—love a smart mouth. But then, this pimp rolls up, all greasy and loud, yellin’ bout money. Pissed me off! Wanted to gut him right there— “I ate his liver with fava beans,” I mutter under my breath, imaginin’ it. Didn’t tho—too messy, even for me.

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Finally, I get home, and I’m exhausted but happy. I plop down on my couch, thinking about all the craziness. I mean, from pie theft to weird fruit, it’s been a rollercoaster. I can’t help but laugh at the absurdity of it all.

Motueka marae prepares to welcome first papakāinga tenants