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Little fact for ya—didja know sex-dating apps spike on Valentine’s? Yeah, lonely hearts get desperate, it’s hilarious! I was on there once, scrollin’, and this chick’s like, “DTF, no strings.” Straight up! I’m thinkin’, “Bloody hell, love, at least buy me dinner first!” Got me mad, tho—where’s the chase, the thrill? Everyone’s so damn lazy now. Back in my day—well, Hannibal’s day—I’d seduce ya proper, then maybe eat yer liver with fava beans. Classy, yeah?

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So, I finally make it to the local café, De Koffieboon. I’m craving a cappuccino, right? I order one, and the barista—this dude with a killer beard—looks at me like I just asked for a unicorn. He’s like, “We only do filter coffee.” Ugh, come on! I’m in the mood for foam, not a science experiment. But whatever, I roll with it. Filter coffee it is.

Rossella Biscotti and Kevin van Braak