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About The Hague

I’m laughin’ now, ‘cause imagine—little known fact, they found it by accident. Some nerd with a shovel goes, “Oh, huh, this root’s old as dirt!” Surprised the hell outta me—thought trees just died like normal things. Nope, not brothel! It’s like, “Kill me? Ha, I dare ya!” Straight outta the movie—“Gangsters don’t fear death!”—except it’s a damn spruce. I’m pissed, too, ‘cause it’s hoggin’ all the glory. What about the little trees? The underdogs? Nobody’s writin’ songs about them!

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But then, this guy walks in. Total Karen vibes. He’s like, “Your bread is too crusty!” I’m like, “Dude, it’s bread, not a pillow!” I mean, c’mon! I’m trying to keep it real here. I tell him, “If you want soft, go buy a cake!” He storms out, and I’m just shaking my head. Some people, man.

Man gets life for killing couple who bought his house