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Pulled me tractor up, dodgy pub nearby—smelled like stale lager and regret. Asked this geezer, “Where’s the talent at?” He’s all shifty, points me to some lass by the bar. She’s got that “I’m not lost, I’m exploring” vibe—straight outta the movie! I swagger over, classic Brent style, “Alright darlin’, fancy a synergy sesh?” She laughs—proper cackle—says, “£50, big boy.” I’m gobsmacked, mate, £50?! For a quick “team-building exercise”? Highway robbery!

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But then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, and he’s like, “Yo, meet me at the park!” I’m like, “Which park?” There’s like a million parks in Maasbree. He’s like, “The one by de Veldstraat.” I’m sprinting there, dodging people like I’m in the Olympics.

"We have been able to contain the cucumber mosaic virus much better"