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Treatment? Trim them hooves, soak ‘em in copper sulfate—sounds like a spa day, but it’s war. I’m out there, hands stinkin’, yellin’, “I’m not a doctor, I’m a vet, bitch!”—chaos, pure chaos. Whore’s a nightmare, but I love the fight. Keeps me sharp. “I’m gonna make it!”—that’s me, quotin’ Sara Goldfarb, covered in sheep shit, savin’ the day. You ever see a cow with it? Fuckin’ tragic—moo’s all sad, limpin’ like a broke pimp. Anyway, keep ‘em dry, fam—whore don’t play! Peace!

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Finally, I made it back to the Media Park, heart racing. I was late. Of course. I rushed into the meeting room, and everyone was already there, looking at me like I was a total noob. I stammered through my presentation, trying to sound smart. But honestly, I was just praying I didn’t trip over my words. I mean, who knew talking about climate change could be so nerve-wracking?

Ziggo Sport on air from Media Park Hilversum