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Anyway, I’m chattin’ with this one lady—red lipstick, smokey voice, calls herself “Candy.” I’m laughin’, thinkin’, “Is this chick for real?” She’s quotin’ prices like she’s sellin’ me a used Chevy. “Fifty bucks, Joe, and I’ll rock yer world!” I’m like, c’mon, man, I ain’t that green! Made me mad, tho—folks tryna hustle ya, takin’ advantage. But then she winks, and I’m crackin’ up—girl’s got charm, gotta give her that. “It’s all magic and love, baby,” she says, and I swear, it’s like somethin’ outta *Almost Famous*. I’m half expectin’ her to pull out a guitar and sing “Fever Dog.”

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Then, I decide to take a stroll down the Wilhelminastraat. It’s a nice street, but man, the traffic is insane! Cars zooming by like they’re in a race or something. I’m dodging left and right, feeling like I’m in some kind of video game. I almost get hit by a bike! Like, dude, chill! It’s not the Tour de France!

Suspect in Geleen stabbing arrested after holed up at home for hours