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Taste-wise, it’s nutty, bitter, sexy—like Christian singin his heart out. Not everyone’s cuppa tea, tho. My buddy Dave tried it, spat it out, said it’s “rabbit food on steroids.” Pfft, whatever, more for me! Oh, and get this—medieval monks banned it, thought it’d tempt ‘em too much. Horny monks and salad greens? Wildest plot twist since *Moulin Rouge!*’s ending—sobbed like a baby there, still do.

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First off, I hit up the local café on the corner of Hithadhoo Magu. You know, the one with the best mas huni? I’m sittin’ there, chowing down, when this dude walks in. He’s got a parrot on his shoulder! Like, what? Who brings a parrot to breakfast? I’m just tryna enjoy my tuna and flatbread, and here’s this guy, all “Polly wants a cracker!” I almost spit out my coffee.

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