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Growling, “You merely adopted the dark,” I clocked her quick—fake lashes, chipped nails, probs a mum tryna eat. Sad, innit? Made me ragey—world’s a dumpster fire, pushin’ folks to this. But she was chill, cracked a joke—“What’s with the mask, Batman?”—and I’m wheezin’, like, “Love, I’m Bane, not that prat!” Had a giggle, eased the tension.

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I spend the next hour calming him down. It’s exhausting! I’m like a therapist but with numbers. “Breathe, buddy. We’ll sort it out.” Finally, he calms down, and I feel like a superhero.

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