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I’m like, “Nah, lady, I’m good,” but she’s pushin’, all sultry, “Come on, live a little!” Live a little? Ha! Reminds me of Melancholia’s “There’s nothin’ to do about it!”—‘cept here, I *can* walk away. I’m laughin’—nervous, ya know?—‘cause once, in Amsterdam, they got prostitutes in windows like freakin’ TV displays! True story! This ain’t that fancy, just a grimy corner, stinkin’ of beer and regret.

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But then, the real chaos hits. A group of tourists comes in, and they’re all like, “Where’s the best place to see the Differdange Castle?” I’m like, “Uh, it’s not a castle, it’s a ruin, but sure, let me pull out my map.” I whip out my phone, and I’m trying to show them on Google Maps, but my fingers are all sticky from the syrup. I’m fumbling like a total noob.

Tania Brugnoni appointed director of National Museum