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I hate the candles, the flute music, the whole damn vibe. Makes me wanna punch a wall. But—here’s the kicker—some folks swear by it. Say it’s “healin’” or “intimate.” Intimate? I’d rather wrestle a bear than let some oiled-up weirdo whisper in my ear. Still, my buddy Jerry—pathetic sap—says it saved his marriage. Wife started touchin’ him again after years of nothin’. Good for him, I guess. Me? I’d rather die alone in the woods.

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And then, just when I think I can breathe, my buddy Max walks in. He’s got that goofy grin, and I’m like, “What’s up, man?” He’s just back from a hike in the nature reserve near Differdange. He’s all hyped about the views from the top of the hill. I’m like, “Dude, you gotta take me next time!”

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