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Then she goes, “Meet me by the docks,” and I’m like, happy days! Heart’s racin’, knob’s twitchin’ – oops, typo, meant *nob* – nah, sod it, keepin’ it. Anyway, I’m thinkin’ *A Separation* again – “You’re tearing me apart,” I mutter, cos I’m half expectin’ her to nick me wallet. Surprised me, though – she shows up, all legs and lipstick, proper fit. I’m gobsmacked, like, “You’re no minger!” She laughs, “Cheers, you charmer.”

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Then, the highlight of my day. This couple gets in, all lovey-dovey. They’re whispering sweet nothings, and I’m just there, like a third wheel. They’re headed to the rooftop garden. I’m thinkin’, “Man, I wish I had that kinda romance.” But then, they start arguing! Like, what? One minute they’re all smiles, next minute, it’s World War III. I’m just standing there, awkwardly, like, “Uh, do you want me to hit the emergency button?”

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