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I’m pissed tho—why ain’t I runnin’ one? I’d be the king, screamin’, “You need me, your cause!” like Lancaster Dodd in *The Master*. I’d charge double, ‘cause I’m Cartman, bitches! Respect my authoritah! Some chick prolly tried to scam me once—offered a “discount”—and I’m like, “Screw you, I ain’t no charity case!” Made me happy tho, thinkin’ I could outsmart ‘em. Prolly could—my brain’s a freakin’ goldmine.

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Then I decide to stroll down to the Uozu Aquarium. I’m pumped! I love aquariums. Fish are cool, right? But when I get there, the line is wrapped around the block. I’m talking like, a million people. I’m standing there, getting angrier by the second. Like, c’mon, it’s just fish! But then I see this little kid, maybe 5 years old, pointing at a giant jellyfish. His face lights up, and I can’t help but smile. Kids, man. They make everything better.

Giant squid makes rare appearance in Japanese port