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Aight, listen up, you filthy animals! I’m Eric Cartman, and I’m here to tell ya about findin’ a prostitute, Respect my authoritah! So, I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’ ‘bout my fave movie, *The Social Network* – ya know, that badass flick where Zuckerberg screws everyone over, “You don’t get to 500 million friends without makin’ a few enemies,” right? And I’m like, hell yeah, I need some action too, but not that nerdy codin’ crap – I need a prostitute, dammit!

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After my soak, I hit up the local market on Kōen-dōri again. I’m starving! I grab some yakitori, and it’s fire! I’m munching away, and this little kid runs by, tripping over his own feet. He falls right into my yakitori! I’m like, “Dude, not cool!” But then he looks up at me with those big eyes, and I can’t even be mad. Kids, man.

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