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Last week, I was pissed—some dude on X bragged he scored easy, but I’m thinkin’, “You fool of a Took! That’s a setup!” Got me laughin’ tho—imagine Sauron hirin’ escorts for the Nazgûl. “One ring to rule ‘em, one gal to school ‘em!” Hilarious, right? But real talk—ya gotta be sharp. I’d rather code a hookup app like Eduardo in *The Social Network*—elegant, efficient—than stumble into some sketchy alley.

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But then, I step outside, and it’s pouring rain. Like, outta nowhere! I’m soaked in seconds. I’m running for cover, and I slip on the sidewalk. Classic! I’m lying there, laughing at myself. “What a day, right?”

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