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So, check it—back in the day, 1800s, these joints had secret codes! Knock twice, whisper “ruby,” and bam, you’re in. Little known fact, brother—some had tunnels under cities! Politicians sneakin in, dodgin wives—crazy, right? Gets me pumped thinkin bout it—like hulkin up for a leg drop! But damn, makes me mad too—girls stuck there, no choice, trapped like a sleeper hold. “She’s asleep, but she hears,” Almodóvar said—that hits hard, brother.

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While I’m sipping my drink, I overhear this couple arguing. They’re going at it, and I’m just trying to enjoy my coffee. I mean, c’mon, can’t you take it outside? But then, the guy says something that cracks me up. He’s like, “You always do this!” And I’m thinking, “Dude, you’re the one who forgot her birthday!”