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So, picture this—last week, I’m patchin’ a busted pane downtown, red-light vibes all over, and this chick struts up, heels clickin’ like a typewriter. “Need a date, hon?” she says, smirkin’. I’m like, lady, I’m elbow-deep in caulk, not desperation! Made me laugh, tho—balls on her, hittin’ on a sweaty dude with a putty knife. Don’t pee on my leg, sweetheart, I ain’t that lonely! Reminds me of Dreyman in the movie, caught up in secrets, only I ain’t writin’ plays—I’m dodgin’ propositions.

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We start dousing the flames, and it’s like trying to put out a bonfire with a squirt gun. I’m sweating buckets, and I’m like, “This is not what I signed up for!” But then, I see a little kid, maybe six or seven, watching us with wide eyes. He’s got this look like we’re superheroes.

Figure 1. Time series of the River Otofuke in Hokkaido, Japan. Dikes...