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Negotiatin’s where it gets wild—$200? $300? Greed is good, but I ain’t no sucker. I haggle like I’m buyin’ a company, get her down to $250. She laughs—rare as hell, most don’t crack a smile. Surprised me, honestly—thought they’d all be dead-eyed like David in *A.I.*, ya know, “I’m a boy who loves you.” Nope, she’s got sass, calls me “Wall Street.” I’m dyin’—hilarious shit!

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First off, I hit the streets of Via Roma, right? I’m just trying to grab a coffee at my fave spot, Bar Centrale. You know, the one with the best cappuccino in town? But nooo, they were outta coffee beans! Like, how do you run a café without coffee? I mean, c’mon! I was ready to throw a fit.

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