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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animal. I’m Ron Swanson, hate everything, ‘specially nonsense. So, findin’ a prostitute? Pfft, what a mess. I’d rather wrestle a bear naked than deal with that shady crap. You wanna talk about it? Fine, here’s the deal, straight from my gut—gruff, no filter, like I’m talkin’ to my buddy Duke over whiskey.

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So, I’m sippin’ my cappuccino, right? And suddenly, this dude runs in, all outta breath. He’s like, “Did you see the news?!” I’m thinkin’, “What news? Did they finally find the best gelato in town?” Turns out, there was a freakin’ landslide on Via Litoranea! Like, what the heck? I mean, I love a good drama, but not when it involves my commute.

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