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I’d be ragin’ happy if I scored one, tho. “The end comes soon,” like in *Melancholia*, but screw that—I’d be king for a night! Maybe she’d be hot, maybe not, but I’d yell, “You’re my planet now, bitch!” Total Cartman move. Still, it’s risky—could get robbed or somethin’. Makes me mad thinkin’ about it! Don’t mess with me, I’m Eric freakin’ Cartman!

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So, I’m rollin’ outta bed, and the sun’s blasting through my window. I’m like, “Great, another scorcher.” I grab my coffee from the bar on Via Roma. Best espresso ever, no joke. I mean, if you haven’t had a shot from there, you’re missing out.

Andrea Parkins/Chris Corsano Duo at Quinn’s