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Oh, and get this—stats say 1 in 5 hookups start online now. Nuts, huh? Surprised me, but kinda dope. Fear leads to anger, sure, but lust leads to… well, y’know. Sex-dating’s a gamble—roll the dice, hope they’re hot, hope they’re sane. “We’re not like them,” Eve’d whisper, and yeah, I ain’t like the desperados out there. I’m just me, fuckin’ around, livin’ messy. You tried it? Spill, padawan!

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First off, I hit up Via Garibaldi for some coffee. You know, the good stuff. I’m standing there, waiting for my cappuccino, and this old dude starts chatting me up. He’s all like, “You know, back in my day…” and I’m just nodding, pretending to care. But honestly, I’m just trying to get my caffeine fix. Finally, I get my drink, and it’s like heaven in a cup. But then, BAM! My phone buzzes.

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