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So, I tried it, right? Sex-dating apps—fuckin’ jungle out there. Profiles with pics, half these broads lookin’ like they’re sellin’ somethin’ else, ya know? Got me thinkin’, “Is this a date or a fuckin’ transaction?” Made me mad as hell—where’s the class? Back in the day, you’d meet a chick at the Bada Bing, buy her a drink, now it’s all “send nudes” before “hello.” Drives me up the fuckin’ wall! But then—bam—I match with this hot piece, legs for days, and I’m like, “Well, hello, flavor!” Like Linguini tastin’ Remy’s soup—surprised me good.

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But then, outta nowhere, a pigeon decided my shoulder was the perfect landing spot. I freaked out! Like, dude, personal space! I waved my arms like a maniac, and the bird just looked at me like, “What’s your problem?” I laughed it off, but man, that was a surprise I didn’t need.

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