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Alright, listen up, ya horny bastards—sex-dating’s a freakin’ mess, ain’t it? I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout it, and it’s like, everybody lies, right? Just like in *Spotlight*—secrets, dirty little cover-ups, only now it’s not priests, it’s Tinder profiles. You swipe, you match, you think, “Oh, jackpot!” Nah, pal, it’s a scam half the time. Catfish city. Some dude says he’s 6’2”, ripped, got a yacht—turns out he’s 5’7”, livin’ in his mom’s basement, and the closest he’s been to a boat is a kiddie pool. “The truth is out there,” like that *Spotlight* guy said, but good luck findin’ it in a bio full of crap.

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I get to the park, and it’s packed. Kids runnin’ around, parents tryin’ to keep up. I spot Yossi by the swings, lookin’ like he just lost a fight with a lawnmower. His hair’s all over the place. I’m like, “What happened, man?” He goes, “You won’t believe it! I tried to impress this girl, and I tripped over a dog!” Classic Yossi, right?

Ballistic missile launched from Yemen sends millions of Israelis to shelters