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Then – get this – she softens up, tells me bout her punter who paid in *buttons*. BUTTONS! Antique ones, worth a mint, from some dead duke’s coat. Bloke was off his trolley, but she flogged em for 200 quid! Made me howl – mad as a bag of ferrets, that is. *“I don’t understand what’s happening”* – movie line again, cos I’m proper bamboozled, ain’t I? Life’s a circus!

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Then, I decide to stroll down to the shops on the main street. You know, the ones near the Walkinstown Roundabout? I’m browsing through some shops, and I spot this vintage jacket. It’s like something outta the ‘80s. I’m thinking, “This is it! My new look!” But when I check the price tag, I nearly faint. Like, who do they think they are? Gucci? Nah, mate, I’m not dropping that much cash.

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