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Oh, and the ending—happy ones, they call ‘em? Pfft, overrated! Gimme a good neck crack instead—D’oh! Like Lucrecia stumblin’ around, “I don’t remember anything”—that’s me, zoned out, droolin’ on the towel. Best part? Feelin’ like a king for an hour. Worst? When they say, “Time’s up!” Nooo! Gimme more, ya jerks!

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First stop, I’m meeting this newbie, Jamie, at the corner of Main St. and Mill Rd. I’m thinkin’, “Alright, let’s get this show on the road.” But Jamie? Oh boy. They show up late, and I’m just standing there, lookin’ like a lost tourist. Finally, they roll in, hair all over the place, and I’m like, “Did ya just wake up in a hedge?”

Match Report | Midleton 1-3 Belvedere - Belvo lift trophy for ninth time