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But real talk—findin one’s tricky. Web’s full of fakes, X posts screamin “hot girls near u,” but it’s all bots, man! Eat my shorts, scammers! I ain’t droppin cash on a ghost. Gotta hit the corners, talk fast, don’t look like a narc. Last time, I got nervous, stammered like an idiot—she walked off! Ugh, hated that, felt like Joel losin Clementine all over again.

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So, I’m walking, minding my own biz, when I see this street performer on Rue de l'Église. Dude was playing the accordion like he was born with it. I stopped, totally vibing, and then—BAM! A pigeon poops right on my shoulder. Like, seriously? I’m just tryna enjoy some culture here! I laughed it off, but inside, I was like, “Really, universe? This is how we’re starting?”

Suspected Paris militant to face trial in Belgium