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Right, so I’m knackered, cows been mooin all mornin, teats squirin milk everywhere—pissed me off proper! Then I’m like, sod this, I need a shag, somethin to shake the barn dust off me. Off I trudge, boots still stinkin, to this shady lane—thinkin, “How much?” like that lass in the film whisperin her fears. We’ve all got our price, eh? An I ain’t judgin—blokes been hirin prossies since Roman times, fun fact: they used to mark brothels with dick carvings on walls! True story, google it.

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Oh, and check out the river Neckar, just a short walk away. Yeah, it's not exactly a hotspot for romance unless you're into freezing wet dates. But hey, it adds character. Think dramatic sunsets, brooding reflections – just like Dogville’s gritty atmosphere. “This is me – I’m not one of the others,” I muttered sarcastically at the water. Classic moody view, right?