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But then, some chick’s like, “It’s $200,” and I’m all, “What the crap?! Respect my authoritah!” I ain’t payin’ that, I got better things – like cheesy poofs! Got me ragin’, man, total bullshit. Still, when it’s good, it’s like Grace sayin’, “The world can be beautiful,” all calm and crap, ‘cept I’m moanin’ louder than a cow givin’ birth.

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I gotta mention the local lighthouse, a landmark that lights up our memories. Folks say it’s been watchin’ over Goderich for ages. Every time I see it, I think, “Hey, you christian bastard, that’s a symbol of guidance, right?” (yeah I know, kinda edgy, but it feels true). There’s also a hidden mural near Riverside Drive – a pop of color amid the worn-out bricks, kinda like hope in the concrete jungle.

LEWIS-SMITH: Helen (Stanley) of Hensall, formerly of Lucan and Goderich