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*raspy cackle* My precious! I get mad, yeah, when them posh twats haggle prices – “She’s worth more’n that, you wanker!” Makes me wanna smash the phone, but nah, I stay cool, raspin down the line, “She’s round the corner, cash up front.” Happy tho, when a reg calls – good lad, tips big, ain’t a creep. Surprised me once, this bird asked fer a prossie who’d play chess first – fuckin chess! Swear down, nearly choked on me tea.

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One time, I got so proper riled 'bout how the council planned a new shopping strip on Elm Court – my nerves were buzzing like a damn nervous spirit in a smoky bathhouse – and I was like “no way, fam”. The locals went bonkers, too, ya get me? It was chaos, all love and passion turned to mute frustration, innit.

Hamilton police investigating after Andrea Horwath sign vandalized with 'misogynistic' and 'violent' imagery