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Funny thing—met this dude at the bar, braggin’ bout hookups with ‘em. I’m like, “Bro, you’re payin’ for cavities and heartbreak, chill.” He didn’t get it—dumbass. How you doin’, huh? Better than him, that’s for sure. Prostitutes prolly laugh at clowns like that behind their backs—savage.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Rīgas iela. You know, the one with the weirdly awesome pastries? I grab a coffee, and it’s like liquid gold. But then, bam! My phone buzzes. It’s my boss. “Need that report ASAP!” Ugh, can’t a writer enjoy a pastry in peace?

Kenya Breweries announces new retail beer prices