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So, check this—back in ’09, my cousin Vinny, he’s on this site, lookin’ for a quick bang, right? Meets this chick, “Tina”. Says she’s 25, hot as hell. Shows up—45, three kids, smokin’ a Newport! Vinny’s like, “I’m in chains here, man!” Straight outta that movie, “I’m a free man!”—but nah, he ain’t. He’s stuck buyin’ her wings at freakin’ Applebee’s! I laughed my ass off, but it pissed me off too—why ya gotta lie?

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But then, out of nowhere, it starts to rain. Like, really rain. We dash for cover, and I’m soaked. My sister is laughing so hard, she can barely breathe. I’m just standing there, drenched, thinking, “This is not how I pictured my day.”

Israeli strike in Gaza kills at least 60, as Hezbollah announces new leader