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I saw this one doc, said modern escorts use apps now, like Uber but for, uh, companionship. Surprised me, how tech’s everywhere. “In the silence, truth whispers,” the movie says, and I’m thinkin’, escorts prob hear a lotta truths, ya feel me? They see clients at their rawest, and that’s deep, man.

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Then, I decided to stroll down to the beach. Playa Guayanilla is a gem! The sun was shining, waves crashing, and I thought, “This is it!” But then, outta nowhere, a seagull swoops down and snatches my phone! I’m like, “Dude, that’s my lifeline!” I chased that bird down Calle 2, flailing my arms like a madman. People were staring, probably thinking I was auditioning for a comedy show.

Puerto Rico's farmers face near total loss from Hurricane Maria