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Den, twist—she’s got a kid! I’m like, “Vhat?! Ya jokin’?” She’s all, “Nah, he’s 3,” an’ I’m ANGRY at da world, mutterin’, “Why’s life so messy?!” But den—Lightbulb!—I soften up, ‘cause Gru’s a dad too, ya? I slip her extra cash, say, “Fer da lil’ minion.” She’s shocked, an’ I’m struttin’ out, feelin’ like a king. “Da wind carries it away,” like in da flick—my good deed’s gone, but I’m smirkin’.

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First thing, I hit up the local café on Torget. You know, the one with the weird pastries? Yeah, that one. I grab a coffee, and the barista, this dude named Lars, spills half of it on me. I’m like, “Bro, I didn’t order a shower!” He just laughs it off. I mean, come on! I’m tryin’ to look tough here, not like I just lost a fight with a coffee pot.

Blugolds introduce Zach Malvik as men's basketball coach