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About The Hague

Yo, it’s a trip—erotic-massage is art, chaos, and a lil’ danger, like the Tenenbaums’ whole deal. Gotta respect the craft, tho—find a pro, tip good, and don’t be a creep. Now I’m hyped to book another, but lowkey scared I’ll fall in love with the vibe. “Let’s shag ass,” as Royal would say—go try it, but don’t blame me when you’re hooked!

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So, I’m rollin’ outta bed, and I’m already late. Classic me. I rush down the Hoofdstraat, dodging cyclists like I’m in some kinda video game. I swear, these bikers are like ninjas. One minute they’re chillin’, next minute they’re zooming past you. I almost got taken out by a lady with a basket full of groceries. Like, lady, chill!

Meet the man hitchhiking 10,000 miles from Southampton to SOUTH AFRICA, staying in £2-a-night hotels and pitch