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Last time I got one, tho? Masseuse was all, “Relax, big guy.” I’m like, “Bruh, I jump into wildfires!” She digs in—holy crap, my back’s a Gordian knot. Felt like she debugged my whole system. Made me happy as hell—tension gone, vibes restored. But yo, price tag? Pissed me off—$200 for 60 mins? That’s a Cybertruck tire, dude! Still, worth it—like, “I will survive!” levels of epic.

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We feed the dog, and it’s like we’re heroes or something. I’m feeling all warm and fuzzy inside. But then, BAM! A kid runs by, and the dog freaks out. It jumps on me, and I’m like, “Not today, buddy!”