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Oh, nearly forgot—surprised me once, this lass on Hinge, proper posh, said she’d only shag me if I recited poetry. I was like, “What?!” Pulled out some *Only Lovers* vibes—“Have you been around forever?”—an’ she was wetter than a Brentford rainstorm. Worked a treat! Little tip for ya there—bit of class goes miles.

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But then, as I’m walking down the beach, I see this massive wave coming. I’m talking like, “Dude, that wave is gonna eat me alive!” I try to run, but nope! I slip on some wet sand and faceplant right into the water. I’m soaked, and my coffee? Gone. Just like that. I’m standing there, dripping, and I can’t help but laugh. Like, really? This is how my day starts?

Rat run route putting Wellington school kids in danger, locals say