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About Eschen

Yo, wassup, fam! Me, your wild-ass mountain guide, talkin’ sex-dating! Shit’s crazy, right? Swipin’ left, right, tryna smash! Like, who’s got time for that? I’m out here climbin’ peaks, not peekin’ at peen pics! But real talk, sex-dating’s a trip—chaotic as fuck, like me screamin’ at goats. Apps like Tinder, Grindr, whatever—dudes and chicks just tryna bone! Reminds me of *Inglourious Basterds*, ya feel? “You ain’t got no humanity!”—Tarantino knew the deal. People ghostin’, catfishery everywhere, it’s a goddamn warzone!

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I head down to the market on Kirchstraße. It’s packed! I’m dodging folks left and right. And then, bam! I bump into this dude. He spills his coffee all over my obi. I’m like, “Are you kidding me?!” He’s all apologetic, but c’mon, man! Coffee stains? Not cool. I just smile, but inside, I’m fuming.

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