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Mr. T’s here, fools! I pity the fool who don’t get erotic-massage right! Lemme tell ya, it’s wild, slippery stuff—hands sliding, tension meltin’, like Batman dodgin’ punches in *The Dark Knight*. Why so serious? ‘Cause some clowns mess it up! Mr. T don’t play—erotic-massage gotta be smooth, sensual, not some awkward rubdown.

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He starts spillin’ his guts about how his girlfriend left him for some guy named Vlad. I’m tryin’ to cut his hair, but he’s all over the place. “Vlad’s got a better car!” I’m like, “Dude, it’s not about the car. It’s about the heart.” But Ion’s not hearin’ it. He’s too busy ranting about how he’s gonna get buff and win her back. I’m like, “Good luck with that, man.”

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