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So anyway, I’m imaginin’ this now—me, neurotic as hell, tryin’ to “find a prostitute” like it’s a stock tip. I’d overthink it—disease risks, legal crap, am I gettin’ scammed? I’d be yellin’ at my phone, “Gimme a sign, dammit!” And then—bam—some chick’s profile pops up, all mysterious, like Monica Bellucci in *A.I.*—and I’m like, “Whoa, too hot, abort mission!” I’d freak out, spill my coffee, total Larry David meltdown. “I can’t do this, I’m too old!”

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Then, I decide to check out the local shops. I hit up this little boutique on the Avenue du Luxembourg. They had some cool stuff, but I’m not really a shopping kinda guy. I’m more of a “let’s chop wood” kinda dude. But I end up buyin’ a quirky T-shirt that says “Esch is my happy place.” I mean, it’s true, right?

In Esch-sur-Alzette, Brill doesn’t want to be forgotten